Flakes

Snow floats daintily past the cool windows, almost poetic in rhythm. A calm, slow night at Java House. Five young ladies are doing homework as the hands of the clock turn like so many soldiers through a city square. I have slowly realized something, this moment will never again be lived. Frightening in its brevity. I have grown a new sense of urgency in this time. If snow turned to death, what would it bring on its wings. This breathe becomes a fleeting, daralicit instant of great consequence. While seconds drone on I set myself to the thought of making each instant count, that this point in time would be worth remembering. My mind is overrun with guilt. I ask myself how many moments, breathes, and circumstances have been of naught. How many of God's words have I let fall to the ground, empty, with no return. And the snow turns to rain, and the moment is gone. I long to want to want Him. That my sight would be His, my hand His paintbrush, my heart His canvas, my soul His expression. One day that I might live up to what He has called me. But this is the familiar, the comfortable. This moment for me is no different than the last, I have ruined the depth of my former revelation, and I am me, again.

“It's a muggy night in Houston, and all the intersections are like full serve stations. I'm on my way to a familiar place. You can no more hear me than I can see Your face. How I wish it was just You and me. We wouldn't have to talk above the crowd, we wouldn't have to talk so loud. Lord, I give you my life and all I am, but what have I to give? So I, I hand You a candid photograph of this little boy 'cause I've nothing to my name, but I can give You that... My mind is somewhere north of here.”

-Caedmon's Call “Somewhere North”

I've told a lot of people that a lot of songs are my favorite. If it was ever any song other than this I apologize for lying to you. This song has changed my life. It shows my heart more clearly than any amount of interaction could, it paints my life in words. If you play this song, and listen to the lyrics (or just download them in their entirety) it will give you a lens into me.